Heaven knows why anyone would want advice from me. When I trot out the old point of view at the club, my friends’ eyes drift into their drinks and there is plenty of hemming and hawing.

It was Bentley’s idea, of course. He found me wandering around the family domicile one day pulling on cords and wondering what they were for and suggested a more sedentary occupation.

If you fling a question into the form below, I or one of my friends will do our best to answer it.

Bentley insists that I include the proviso that any advice I offer must not be followed under any circumstances.

So, have at it. Click on the button below to be transported to the form Bentley has prepared. Be sure to mash the “subscribe to our newsletter” thingy and I’ll do my best to answer as many questions as I can in an occasional dispatch.

Yours in the Ranks of Death,

Cyril Chippington-Smythe